I do not know as to where I have kept the red diary. My suspicions are that my daughter's mother, the bitch, has picked it up from somewhere to read or has hidden it away. Of course, the more logical explanation could be that I have kept it elsewhere. I must have kept it safely somewhere. But, where? I was writing in the red diary only a few days ago. My life seems to have become a total screw-up, really totally. I have to control my reactions. I am all messed up in the manner of my reactions. I have to sort them out.
Do I need any medicines or help from a psychiatrist? Do people not get angry at all? If there is a problem, people will get angry. Of course, they will. If there is an attack, one has to defend. That is for sure. One will defend oneself in an attack. All uncontrolled reactions are like that only. If there are words that have been said, then one has to reply. Will even a sage, or a fakir, or a yogi or a Buddhist monk stay silent if there are words, harsh words, bad words and words of wrongful and hateful language said to one person, and thus one should stay silent?
One is bound to react. One is bound to reply. Can that reply be measured and be simply said thus and thus without any anger? My guess is that it would require a lo of self control to avoid reacting or replying in a good tenor and with respect to those, who in my minds, do not deserve any respect. What should be the way out, then? Speak your mind out and then, apologize? Is that correct to do so? Can one always insult another person and then continue to apologize? How does this reaction occur in such a senseless manner? Is it because of persistent prodding and /or disturbance of the mind?
Violence is certainly not the answer. Bad speech is not the answer. Hateful words are not the answer. Use of hands and the tongue are a strict no-no. So what is the answer? Zero-anger and zero-hateful speech and zero reactions - are these the answers? Well, I shall try them out. I will do this also for my daughter. Nothing else remains for me to do. There are no further goals or objectives in life now except to retire and go away silently, far away from my life and far away from this bitch.
Do I need any medicines or help from a psychiatrist? Do people not get angry at all? If there is a problem, people will get angry. Of course, they will. If there is an attack, one has to defend. That is for sure. One will defend oneself in an attack. All uncontrolled reactions are like that only. If there are words that have been said, then one has to reply. Will even a sage, or a fakir, or a yogi or a Buddhist monk stay silent if there are words, harsh words, bad words and words of wrongful and hateful language said to one person, and thus one should stay silent?
One is bound to react. One is bound to reply. Can that reply be measured and be simply said thus and thus without any anger? My guess is that it would require a lo of self control to avoid reacting or replying in a good tenor and with respect to those, who in my minds, do not deserve any respect. What should be the way out, then? Speak your mind out and then, apologize? Is that correct to do so? Can one always insult another person and then continue to apologize? How does this reaction occur in such a senseless manner? Is it because of persistent prodding and /or disturbance of the mind?
Violence is certainly not the answer. Bad speech is not the answer. Hateful words are not the answer. Use of hands and the tongue are a strict no-no. So what is the answer? Zero-anger and zero-hateful speech and zero reactions - are these the answers? Well, I shall try them out. I will do this also for my daughter. Nothing else remains for me to do. There are no further goals or objectives in life now except to retire and go away silently, far away from my life and far away from this bitch.
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